I'm clear

Hello
It has been awhile but it has been a road with lots of experiences that I thought I would not have to face but it also has been a life learning experience. As all my friends know I had two major operations and I have been of work since October 1, 2008.
For all those months it has been very stressful and scary for me. When a person is facing a possibility of loosing their life due to an illnes it is a very scary time for them. I have questioned myself, my family and most of all god. I trusted my doctors to make it all better and they have done that for me. The most inportant part was while they were making me better all this time god was right there watching over everything and I really felt his present.
While I was in the hospital in Calgary it seemed like I was all alone and then every person I meant there it was like they all had a message for me from god. It sounds weird but everyone I spoke to, they made me laugh, made me feel confortable and at the end of each conversation they all said GOD LOVES YOU!!!!!!! even through strangers he was there with no convictions.
The experience that I will remember the most was the last night I slept in the hospital. That morning my roomate was discharged and about 3 hrs later a new roomate was put in my room. She was a wonderful person. She had just come to the room from having surgery and was still very tired and sore. I left the room so that they could make her comfortable and help her with her pain. After they were finished I returned to the room to have my supper and she woke up and said hello Olive and fell back to sleep. I figured the nurses had told her my name and left it at that. Her family had come in to see her after supper and they were all so very friendly and respectful towards her and I. After they left and it was time for bed her and I settled and fell asleep. I started to have a bad dream and it turned out to be a nightmare and I started to talk in my sleep I woke up and I was shaking and remembered in my dream that I was telling satin to get yee behind and to leave me alone. I got out of bed and sat up for awhile. In the meantime this lady woke up and looked right at me and asked if I was in pain, I answered yes and that it was starting to hurt really bad. The next thing she said was "Olive I hope you don't mind but I really would like to say a prayer for you, is that ok?" I replied sure go ahead I don't mind.
She proceded to pray and in her prayer was "Lord help Olive with the pain that she is enduring right now and let her know that you are there for her, let her know that evil is no longer there and that you will guide her through everything." I could not beleive the warm and soothing feeling that came over me. Everyone was right when they told me god has never left me and that he will always be there. I will never forget that moment or that lady.
Now I am home recovering from surgery and the reports have come back with excelent results. I am all clear and I DO NOT need to go for chemo. ALLELUIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want to thank every person that was there threw all this with me and that are still here with me. Michele you are a true friend and I am going to miss you like crazy when you move to your new home. Your mom is a wonderful and very smart lady. I am so lucky to have met you.
Soon I will be returning to work and back to a normal routeen, It is true Michele there is a reason for everything and only god knows what is best, but he always has a plan I just need to trust him and I have.
Britney and Eric are doing great, they have gone through alot this year and now we get to put all this in the past and continue on. I will charish my children and love them to no end. They are why I am still here.
God bless you all!!!!!

Merry Christmas

I would like to wish everyone a belated MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! A very HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my friends and family. Christmas was a wonderful day for us and after what we received from people we know and from people we don't know how can myself and children not beleive in Santa Claus.
We did celebrate the birth of our Lord and the kids know the real reason why we celebrate this special day. It is also the celebration of giving and we have been given things that was unbeleivable, and to us that is what Santa Claus represents as well. It is what you beleive in your heart.
I did believe in my husband but right now my doubts are becoming reality and it freinghtens the heck right out of me. It seems like we are getting further in the hole and it just doesn't seem to bother him at all. At one point I had an important decision to make regarding my health and now it looks like I have to put that on the back burner. Now it's a decision on Do I RETURN TO WORK or NOT because he sure as hell don't seem to worry, I cannot come up with anymore answers I am worn out and now all I am going to concentrate on is my childrens well being and let the rest fall into place. How dare I let him do this to us!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank God I have a place to vent now I have to put things into perspective and MOVE ON!!!!!!

Moving On

It has been a roller coaster for me but through all that have been by my side and supporting me it has gotten much easier. One in paticular who I now know has never left me is GOD. I still have a hard time getting back, but the road is getting smoother.
I have made my decision and it is yes, the fear is not going to go away but it is going to be a thing of the past once I have conquer this large bridge that is ahead of me. I am going to have a wonderful christmas with my family and friends. I am very blessed to have the friends that are surrounding me right now, because they have reminded me over and over that God is always there and will always be there no matter what. God my heart is opened and please walk right in for I never want to close it on you again.
Elayne the way you explained the poem Footprints was fantastic, I would love to have a copy of it. I do remember the poem but no one has ever discribed the you have. YES!!!!!!!!! I heard you shouting from the roof top and man I sure felt AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank You all so much.

Life's Decisions

It has been a very long time since I have posted anything regarding me. The comments from Michelle and her mother are wonderful. I feel like I have known both of them for a long time. It has been a very long journey for me all my life.
I have crossed bridges in my life that some people cannot believe that I am here to tell the tail, I know I am not the only one that has been in my shoes. I am very proud of myself for conquering the obstecles that have been put in front of me while I live my life to the best of my ability. I have made good decisions and some bad, but all in all it's mostly good ones.
Today I have a wonderful family. My husband loves me to no end and he reminds me everyday, Yes we do have our ups and down but we always come through for each other. I truely believe in my marriage, I return my love for my husband everyday as well. My children are my whole life, they brighten it everyday they awake and I am very proud to be able to tell everyone that I am their mother. I love them both with all my heart.
Britney is a very unique young lady. She has no problem letting known what she believes in, and what she has planned for her life. Let no one tell her any different. She has a heart of gold and she is very sensative. Eric also has a heart of gold and will do anything he can for anyone. He is always out to make people happy.
We moved to Lethbridge one year ago and everything all started out very nicely, we found a wonderful place to call home, my husband found a great job, I was able to find a fantastic school for my children to attend and once I had all that in place I was able to find a rewarding job for myself. It was picture perfect. The one thing that I was loosing that I only knew about was my faith in god. I would pray everyday and now it's hard to even try,my trust has even disappeared.
Now I am facing the most difficult decision and I have no idea what to do. Everyone has been very supportive and I am very lucky to have such support surrounding me, but it is something I have to decide. I do feel all alone right now and I am frustrated, angry, scared, sad, happy and totally num. Some cannot understand what it is that's so hard to decide but It is very hard for me. God where are you and please guide me back!!!!!!!! I have always needed you but I am lost.

This is my beautiful daughter she loves getting her picture taken. They are all the light if my life. Everyday it's joy being with her.

These are the boys paying hockey. They look so cute.

Friend

To this day I am blessed to have met a wonderful person. She has taken my family and I under her wing and has given us a friendship that I cherish. She has two beautiful children and a wonderful husband. She is always there when I need her and she is showing my two children life as a christian. Her name is Michele Treleaven. If anyone knows her they are very lucky to have her in their lives. God Bless you Michele.